“One day you’ll understand. One day, when you meet the love of your life, you’ll understand what it’s like and you’re life will also change.”
It was a friend’s response when I finally confronted her about the new life she had started with her newest boo thang. Her new life didn’t include me, or any of her other old friends.
During college, I watched as friends slowly fell in love and quickly dropped our friendship. At first, I kept up the text messaging, the inside jokes on Facebook, and the invitations to our usual coffee shops, bars, and restaurants. I invited their newest relationship for a friendly hangout so I could get to know the current most important person in my friends’ lives. But pretty soon, the responses to my texts became more brief, the jokes were met with a ‘like,’ and the dinners out became less frequent since their new beau kept a busy schedule.
It took a long time before I finally accepted my attempts were in vain and my friendships were lost. And these days, I don’t feel sad about missing out on a birthday celebration. I don’t wonder if they miss me. And I don’t worry about what will happen to them when down the road they realize most of their friends are gone.
But today I feel different. Today, I feel so annoyed with that same lame “I am in love and am therefor no longer accountable for being a shitty friend” excuse. Today, I feel like taking a stand for all of us who have lost a friend to that bottomless pit called a ‘soul mate.’
Enough with the matching outfits. Enough with the “My boyfriend is better than yours” and a picture of an ugly floral arrangement (which clearly needed more thought when purchased). Enough with answering every hangout invitation with “We might not be able to make it, [insert bf/gf name] has work in the morning. Enough with tagging your significant other in EVERY SINGLE Facebook post. Enough with telling me I don’t understand.
Enough already.
Before you tell me that I clearly hate love because I’m single AND I’m probably still mad about my ex AND I’m one of those people who yells at the tv during romantic comedies AND I secretly plan to kill couples I see smooching on park benches AND my hobbies include flipping off rainbows and not believing in magic… Well, I’m sorry to say that none of that is true.
I love love. I love a sappy love story. I’ve been in love and that stuff was life changing. My battle isn’t with love. My battle is with the friendships that have perished because people have forgotten they are individuals first and lovers second. One of the best experiences in the world is falling blindly, madly, head over heels in love with another human being. That beautiful love experience is right up there at the top of the list along with having your face licked by 7 tiny puppies and eating chocolate cake during sex. Yes, I said during. But you know what else is a great experience? Having a scary movie night with your friends, minus the girlfriend. Having two separate schedules; one for you and one for your lover. Enjoying a hobby for the afternoon, solo. Going out for girl’s night, and no, you obviously cannot bring your boyfriend, the answer is in the title so why do you even ask?!
Remember how you used to be just one person instead of this weird two-people-morphed-into-one-thing you’ve got going on these days? Remember how you used to not have plans every Friday and Saturday night (with the same person) but instead did laundry, read a book, drank wine, watched movies, or went dancing and still managed to have a good time? Remember how we used to roll our eyes at obnoxious couples who did exactly what you are doing now? You are still that person. Being in a relationship doesn’t change your individuality completely, it enhances it. Just like having friends does.
Life is a balancing act. We go through every day trying to juggle our families, jobs, passions, relationships, and friends. We all struggle with understanding life and the key to our happiness, and at some point, we all realize we can’t do it alone. Why forgo the people who support and love you simply because you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? So go spend the rest of your life with your soul mate, just don’t spend 24/7 with them and forget about the friends who helped you become the person you are today.
Love is the best thing in the world, so why restrict your world to the love of one person?
P.S.: I congratulate you on finding your soul mate and I can’t wait to find mine.
A Work in Progress 
amen, sister o…. no seriously, amen. Well executed and true dat. Says your 52 year old, still single auntie who has seen that train leave the station WAY too many times. Have lost a lot of friends that were family to me. Who ARE family to me.Beautiful that you understand the importance of the work of friendship. You’ll find women who agree with you. I promise. At least, I know I will someday 🙂